


lebensmüde

by akowotagawa



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: First Meetings, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Relationship Study, Violins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 03:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20464646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akowotagawa/pseuds/akowotagawa
Summary: it was too profound a sorrow to ease with words of comfort alone. but that did not mean he would not try. he would brush his hair from ugetsu’s eyes, kiss the tears away and tell him he loved him.





	lebensmüde

**Author's Note:**

> iv can be skipped if you'd prefer to avoid sexual content.

i.

love was not meant to be a reprieve from life so much as it was supposed to be its ultimate form. its highest manifestation. if love was not wrought with suffering, much like living itself, then it was simply being wrongfully mistaken for it. 

the school’s music room was silent save for the sound of his heart beating against the others. akihiko felt ugetsu’s fingers dig into his back, reciprocating his embrace. his touch was careful yet uncontrolled. he did not have to look into those grey eyes to see the melancholy emanate from their depths. all consuming and still as the ocean before it’s first ripple. 

if he was not suffering then he was not truly alive. but ugetsu? he was living love. he carried it’s weight, his weariness very openly on his shoulders. and in that music room akihiko knew he had fallen for him and he was so thoroughly wounded there was no hope for him getting back up again.

ii. 

“what are you thinking?” ugetsu asked. 

they were sitting down, hands intertwined, with both of their backs to the rooftop wall and nothing but a few birds in their company. this was preferred. akihiko traced the calluses on ugetsu’s elegant fingers with care as he contemplated the question.

“the competition tomorrow.” he said, relaxing his body into the one by his side, “i was wondering if you were ready for it.”

ugetsu turned away from the birds to meet aki’s eyes. he had stopped his tracing to admire the way the sun hit ugetsu’s face at just the right angle, making it seem as though the celestial bodies were created for the sole purpose of augmenting his already blinding beauty. he had yet to see him in the light of the full moon and something told him that would be a more breathtaking sight to behold. 

ugetsu let out a small laugh.

“i am ready for it.” was the reply. before he could pose the question back aki felt a light brush of lips against his cheek. softer than the breeze which ruffled his lover’s hair. he thought of the hands in his own and how they would play the next morning. how they would bend the very air around them to his will. how they could move a grown man to tears. how they would look holding the award for the position above his own.

iii. 

crying over the mug (his sadness seemed to be directed towards the cosmos)

  
iv.

it had been a while since they had moved in together. akihiko came to that conclusion because they had had sex on pretty much every possible surface in the apartment by now. he sat down on the couch beside ugetsu, watching as he was focused on maintaining his instrument. he had the same distant gaze directed towards the rosin running over the bow hair which made it difficult to tell when he had drifted off into his zone. 

akihiko placed a finger under the other’s chin.

“good morning.” he greeted, gently turned ugetsu’s face to meet his own. he seemed to be looking past past akihiko before he blinked twice and smiled knowingly. 

“we just fucked last night,” he said, nuzzling into akihiko’s hand as his thumb caressed his cheek, “and you want to do it again?”

akihiko leant in to line kisses along ugetsu’s jaw. what an uncharitable interpretation. he remembered the time they had blown each other for the first time on this very couch. how his legs trembled and how ugetsu used those unfairly beautiful hands and lips to send him over the edge. akihiko could still feel the softness of his hair as he tangled his fingers and pulled at it with a care he had last witnessed ugetsu showing his bow. 

“maybe i just wanted to wish you a good morning.”

ugetsu tipped his head back and fluttered his eyes lids as akihiko lowered to kiss his neck. he remembered when they stood in the music room, playfully challenging the other to play rimsky-korsakov’s flight of the bumblebee the fastest. they had played all evening. till their fingers had bled and their arms had ached and they had collapsed on each other, breathless with only the sound of their laughter in their ears. ugetsu had tasted of death just as much back then as he did now. 

v.

the neat velvet box on the counter looked suspicious. it was unlike any of them to leave items of importance lying around carelessly. aki opened it out of curiosity. 

“it’s for you.” ugestsu said, the smile lines at the corner of his eyes visible from behind his coffee, “i think it’ll look good.”

akihito put on the earring right then.

vi.

brahms violin sonata no. 1 in g major, op. 78. hearing ugetsu play was a religious experience. akihiko did not know if the number of faithless within the concert hall decreased after one of his performances. as for those who did believe in a god, they must leave with their faith ever strengthened after beholding an angel play before them with their own eyes.

akihiko practiced hard that night, beads of sweat clinging to his forehead until he heard the key to the lock turn. ugetsu walked in, still wearing his tuxedo and holding the case with his violin in his left hand. aki was so engrossed in his music he had not even noticed the lights were off and that he was standing in the middle of the living room rather than the sound proofed one for practise. 

ugetsu put down his case slowly at the same time as akihito did the same for his violin. he realised that ugetsu really did look breathtaking under a full moon shining through the floor to ceiling windows. they woke up with their legs tangled together between the sheets the next day.

vii.

“are you okay?”

aki felt helpless when ugetsu cried like this. it was too profound a sorrow to ease with words of comfort alone. but that did not mean he would not try. he would brush his hair from ugetsu’s eyes, kiss the tears away and tell him he loved him. he would bite down the urge to rest his head on the other’s shoulder and cry alongside him. he had always shunned the thought that maybe that would be the most reassuring gesture he could make. to show ugetsu that he was not alone with what he felt. 

“i love you too akihiko.” 

a silent whispered. aki felt his heart engulf him till he could feel nothing but pain and ugestu brushing away the tears from his cheeks after his own.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed. kudo/comments appreciated and feel free to talk about these two with me on twitter @akowotagawa!


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